Heidegger

07 awards — even for the idiots

And at rate the U.S. is going, nominees won’t get smarter
by Bob Barr
special to The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Wednesday, December 26, 2007 at 11:00 AM

It truly has been a banner year. No, not for the economy, or for America’s prestige around the world; and not for the caliber of political discourse here at home as we prepare to enter a presidential election year. It was a very good year for idiocy at all levels — international, national, state, local and individual. Thus, in rendering our “Idiots of the Year” awards, the difficulty lay not in fielding sufficient nominees, but in deciding among so many nominees, those truly most worthy of such designation.

Starting where I like to begin, with the U.S. Constitution, it should come as no surprise to note our first award — the James Madison Constitutional Scholarship Award — goes to former U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales. Either ignorant of, or uncaring about, the fact that the “Great Writ” of habeas corpus has been an underpinning of Western civilization since the principle was crafted into the Magna Carta in 1215 and, specifically, referenced in our Constitution, this year Gonzales testified before the Senate that the right of habeas corpus is not guaranteed to the citizenry. This one should make every American feel safe and secure from their government.

We also know that torturing individuals by our government is not only morally repugnant — or at least used to be — but is unlawful. However, perhaps like his predecessor Bill Clinton, who justified any of his actions that required explanation by reciting that, “it all depends on what the meaning of ‘is’ is,” President Bush apparently believes torture is not “torture” if you simply modify the word with a benign adjective. Thus, the Award for Creative Sophistry goes to the Bush administration for justifying the practice of “waterboarding,” in which a prisoner is drowned but just not to the point of death, by calling it “simulated” drowning.

Of course, we’re all appreciative of the fine work our police officers perform in our behalf, but every once in a while an officer goes above and beyond the call. When this occurs, the officer is singled out for the Police Power of the Year Award. The 2007 award goes to Minneapolis Airport police Sgt. Dave Karsnia, who apparently has nothing better to do than sit in men’s room stalls all day waiting for someone in an adjoining stall to tap his foot. Kudos to Karsnia for making his long stints in men’s rooms pay off last summer when he arrested U.S. Sen. Larry Craig (R-Idaho) for tapping a foot.

Once our police officers do their jobs in apprehending criminals and those suspected of violating our laws, the judges take over. Thank goodness we have so many good judges in our society as to make awarding of the Judicial What, Me Worry? Award so easy. This year, it goes to Georgia Superior Court Judge Hilton Fuller, who, in presiding over the 2005 Brian Nichols multiple courthouse murder case, decided that further and indefinite delays in the case were warranted because to proceed would be “pointless.”

The Nanny State, as readers of this column at least certainly know, is alive and well. For example, we all perhaps should be thankful the federal government is taking steps — for which we pay, of course — to bail out homeowners who agreed to mortgages over their heads and the mortgage lenders who irresponsibly lent them such monies. The Nanny State Award is shared this year by the Congress and the Bush administration for moving to bail out subprime borrowers and lenders for their shared greed. Of particular note is a plan this year by the Senate Appropriations Committee to set aside $200 million for “counseling” of families whose subprime mortgages are threatened by foreclosure.

The threat of terrorism looms large in our lives — or at least the government has us so believe. The Chicken Little Sky-Is-Falling Award goes this year to the Department of Homeland Security, for including propane gas as a “chemical of interest” to terrorists, and thereby subjecting its possession in large quantities to federal registration. America’s poultry farmers will be especially grateful to Uncle Sam for this action.

Finally, none of this would be possible were it not for the ability of America’s citizens to be able to read and comprehend basic skills. The Excellence in Education Award for 2007 goes to our public education system for ensuring our students placed 24th as among 30 industrialized nations in knowledge of math, according to a new study. This should guarantee plenty of Idiots of the Year Awards far into the future.

• Former congressman and U.S. Attorney Bob Barr practices law in Atlanta. Web site:www.bobbarr.org.

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Posted on Thursday, December 27th, 2007 at 5:10 am
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